I am surrounded by an inky blackness. Outside the cars have stopped, the need to travel abandoned, for night descended like a blanket. I feel companionship, a close soul, thought I cannot see it; I hear the cat breathing, oblivious to the thoughts in my head. He stirs slightly as though to refute that statement, drawing a deep breath to let the concern go and returns to whatever it was he was dreaming before my thoughts intruded. There is no peace here, no rest, only a lack of light and a lack of sound. Those are not the same when sleep does not come, they are torture. I am almost self-aware, fool enough to give a hundred reasons why a person would not want to be with me, yet not wise enough to give one why they should. The keenest lover is the one who never arrived, the one that you never found, imagining they would please you in a multitude of ways, ways that you don't even know or anticipate. Succubi who occupy the darkness on nights like this when there is no one else around, and they are present to make a deal. Deal or no deal? But I don't want them, I want the one that might find me one day, and know what is it to be present, not just at night, but during the daylight, too True engagement is so much harder to find, it would be easier to dig diamonds or gold out of the ground with my bear hands, fingers torn and bloody. And still the cats slumbers, having everything he needs, while I lay tormenting myself with what could-be's in the anguish of calm. © Emma Steel
Discussion about this post
No posts
I know that inky blackness! Very nice work, Emma! ❤
sleepless nights captures beautifully